This past year has been hell. My precious grandfather died. I felt like he was the only one left who really loved the *real* me. I sank deep and fast into a major depression. It caught me off guard. He was old. 93. He said he was ready. But I wasnt ready. One person I looked up to, my hero, my mentor, my guide, was gone. My heart broke. I cried. A lot. I locked myself in and wouldnt come out. Literally and metaphorically. God, I still miss him so much. He was one of the few people that laughed at my silly jokes and crazy ideas. He loved me through purple hair, getting my nose pierced, and many other teenage antics. He loved me through all of it. Never judged me. Never once. Never. Which is why his death was so traumatic for me.
I didnt want to see anyone or do anything. I just didnt give a crap. About myself. I fell into a deep hatred of myself. I never have hated myself. I fell into darkness. I probably would have killed myself, except, I always thought suicide was selfish and I couldnt do that to my daughter. So since I couldnt kill myself and I couldnt get out of this depression, I felt trapped. Sinking. I felt the world spin, every inch of every day.
Time ticked on and on and on. With every tick, my heart broke a little more.
It was around this time I started playing games online. My dad had been trying to get me to play WoW for a while and I finally broke down and got it. Chris actually downloaded the trial version and as soon as I saw it, two hours later we had two accounts and I had made my first character. I was hooked.
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